searching....

how do i describe it, hm.... maybe im quite loss in direction and loss the focus. in this couple of weeks i was ignored God's voice. i really do want to scream and cry out to God. im not good enough for Him to do His work. i become more egoist and self-centered. when i reflect back and God reminded me once agian about my situation, i realized that i was away from God. my pull my self away from Him. does it due to my unsatisfactorily? or is it just an excuse for me?

i believe that He know more that i do. He search my heart. He search my attitude. n He found my guilty. because im not obeying His word.

yes, it is very hard to follow His command when see it from our human perspective. but as we walk with God, He will give us the creativity and the way out so that we will still enjoy our walk with Him.

yes God i need more creativity to walk. i need more wisdom. i need your spirit to work within me. i am nothing without you. but many times i failed to please you and even i use my strength to solve the problem. i become more arrogant. which it lead me to the position where your spirit cant work within me.

God, strengthen my heart day by day. and give me courage and desire to go for the extra mile. give me your power.

Take up the cross

What does it mean by taking up the cross? Deny myself? How to do it? Why its so hard. Sometime I think its not me, why I have to do that. I cant do that. And I wont do that things. But when it comes about You, I cant reject it. I dun have any power to say I don want. I dunt have any right to say its not me and dun force me to do that.

Pride, you are there when He challenge me to follow His method not my method.

Myself, you do conscious whenever He asked to do the other way than we used to.

Self esteem, you are always alert whenever I felt I cant do that.

Tear, you always come whenever I feel powerless.

But God, You are always always there in whatever situation I face, in whatever mood I am, in anything I do, I face, I feel you always there wait for me to say I need You and I want You to help me.

i am speechless.

psalm : Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and <[WHY]> art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him [for] the help of his countenance.

Pressure

pressure? what is pressure all about? why there is a pressure?

hmm... everytime i take some responsibily as a burden, then i will feel the pressure. i will become more sensitive towards others.

so is it burden is a friend of pressure?

its time to wake up and not to think about myself. ^-^

Prayer change

thank you God. sometime i doubt whether You are really in control or not. and You are. eventough many times i failed to trust You, but You never fail to show me the true about You. in the dessert i feel empty, and i feel that whatever that i have done is over, but in dessert also You show me how to be in the oase by become an oase to others. blessed those who are bless others. hold me tight. 

i really can feel the prayer supprt from all of people surround me. thanks you guys... prayer do change.... :-)

keep believing in Him.... 

and the result is.....

this morning, God tough me that we will not adjust our time with other but people will adjust their time to us because we follow His timing. so in order to get the best result, we have to follow his time. 

the time is today. finnaly the question box is openned. its a surprise. tot that its not a good surprise but will still believe that He prepare the best for those love Him. 

God, give us strength and patient. give me more and more of your unconditional love. so that i can flow it out. 

the prayer

God, in confussed i come. with a plenty of question in my mind. what is happening? why is this thing happen? what should i do? how should i react on this? i dunno how to take responsible on the responsibility that i have been given to. one thing for sure that i want to do all this thing for You only. i might fail in many things in my life but i dun want to stop learning to follow your way. many things tried to stop me to continue to put my faith and trust in You, i might be shaken. but i will not fall because i know that You hold me in. 

God, i will still continue my trust in You because i cant put my trust to any other gods or people or anything in this world. Your unconditional love is set me free and embrace me. thanks for everything o God. i really cant stop to say thanks to You. You really deserve all my praise and thanksgiving. 

i know Your touch and the miracle is on his way. Love You :-)

He is in control

baru kemaren ngomel2... but when we surrender it to Him, He will take care all the things.. ya, today i can see how miracleously He did His way. i cant say anything beside wonderful and thank you. He is real and really can change people life and heart. its such a great2 blessing to have YOU.