A new beginning

A new beginning is start when we decided to let go the past and move on from there.

i tried to recap back what had happen to me in this past almost 3 years in singapore. i read through my blog posting one by one, and even i read through my journal of 2010. (because i missed my blog for more than 1 year =p)

Last year 2010, actually a year where there were a lot of stories to tell but im not so sure why i decided not to write my blog. i think im too lazy to recap my daily life or even a weekly life. =p

So this year i will try my best to write all the journey that i encountered. i hope i can express my feeling and my thought freely here.

Btw, last week and even today i had learn about how being a leader in the workplace.

last week, my boss approached me to inform that they want to transfer me to be a perm staff in YEA. currently i am under PEI (Sub con of yokogawa). it shocked me because i know that they should take some other people to be perm. and i never mention to them that i want this. but anyway i believe that when God's people do their best God will control the outcome. He is Jehovah Jireh. so im not so sure on what to do next. with a good intention because i dont want my colleague to feel betray i told her that boss approached me and told me about conversion part. then i told her not to tell the other colleague because i think its better for him to hear directly from boss. but end up next day, i just settle down, turn on my pc, tried to read the email, then my colleague (him) approached me and talked in sarcastic way asked about my conversion. it really surprised me. because he know from my other colleague (her). im a bit disappointed with her action. and even when i asked her why she told him, she refused to answer me. so i just keep quite and just accept that she cant be trusted.

But its not the end, after they knew it they really take me as their senior or boss. my colleague will ask me what to do step by step and expect me to spoon feed her. actually deep inside my heart i want to ask her, isnt it you are my senior? shouldnt i'm the one who ask you to guide me? its quite irritated me and i feel so uneasy. im struggling to cope with the job scope that they gave to me, and i dont think i cant take more responsibility. i had tried to guide her step by step but in the end she still blame me with the problem that they faced at site. oh gosh... i really dont know what to do.

But from this incident, i can learn how to lead myself and be responsible on what the things that i have been trusted.

The other thing that i learned, take your own responsibility. even for your life in the future. where do you want to go. and not only that take your own responsibility to choose between life and death. Learn to make decision even though your decision will not be the best, at least you are learning on making decision rather than you are doing nothing.

The Life

Here you go, my first entry for 2011 and it is a first entry after i break for a long time to write this blog.

When i think back of my journey 2010, i can really testify how God had done wonderful job in my life. its really by His grace that I'm as what I am today. I believe a lot of my friends can be the testifier of how messy was my life in 2o1o. I take 'Give up' word so easily. many time i want to put this white flag to say "It's enough" but because His grace is sufficient, it really help me and hold me to cling on to Him.

Wow i think i had learn about grace in my life. But i believe God will continue to give sufficient grace for me. means i will go through another situation that require greater grace...

'hufh....' Need to build the firm foundation over my life so that even the wind blow hard, and tsunami some into my life, i will still stand firm..

Yup, what is my foundation right now? sand or brick? how is the house when the wind blow?? Good question to ponder and to keep remind me to think back when i face challenges.

So 2011, i believe that this year will be a year where i can reap the harvest of what i sow last year. the promises of God will be fulfill. and time to prepare my self to receive the promises.

searching....

how do i describe it, hm.... maybe im quite loss in direction and loss the focus. in this couple of weeks i was ignored God's voice. i really do want to scream and cry out to God. im not good enough for Him to do His work. i become more egoist and self-centered. when i reflect back and God reminded me once agian about my situation, i realized that i was away from God. my pull my self away from Him. does it due to my unsatisfactorily? or is it just an excuse for me?

i believe that He know more that i do. He search my heart. He search my attitude. n He found my guilty. because im not obeying His word.

yes, it is very hard to follow His command when see it from our human perspective. but as we walk with God, He will give us the creativity and the way out so that we will still enjoy our walk with Him.

yes God i need more creativity to walk. i need more wisdom. i need your spirit to work within me. i am nothing without you. but many times i failed to please you and even i use my strength to solve the problem. i become more arrogant. which it lead me to the position where your spirit cant work within me.

God, strengthen my heart day by day. and give me courage and desire to go for the extra mile. give me your power.

Take up the cross

What does it mean by taking up the cross? Deny myself? How to do it? Why its so hard. Sometime I think its not me, why I have to do that. I cant do that. And I wont do that things. But when it comes about You, I cant reject it. I dun have any power to say I don want. I dunt have any right to say its not me and dun force me to do that.

Pride, you are there when He challenge me to follow His method not my method.

Myself, you do conscious whenever He asked to do the other way than we used to.

Self esteem, you are always alert whenever I felt I cant do that.

Tear, you always come whenever I feel powerless.

But God, You are always always there in whatever situation I face, in whatever mood I am, in anything I do, I face, I feel you always there wait for me to say I need You and I want You to help me.

i am speechless.

psalm : Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and <[WHY]> art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him [for] the help of his countenance.

Pressure

pressure? what is pressure all about? why there is a pressure?

hmm... everytime i take some responsibily as a burden, then i will feel the pressure. i will become more sensitive towards others.

so is it burden is a friend of pressure?

its time to wake up and not to think about myself. ^-^

Prayer change

thank you God. sometime i doubt whether You are really in control or not. and You are. eventough many times i failed to trust You, but You never fail to show me the true about You. in the dessert i feel empty, and i feel that whatever that i have done is over, but in dessert also You show me how to be in the oase by become an oase to others. blessed those who are bless others. hold me tight. 

i really can feel the prayer supprt from all of people surround me. thanks you guys... prayer do change.... :-)

keep believing in Him.... 

and the result is.....

this morning, God tough me that we will not adjust our time with other but people will adjust their time to us because we follow His timing. so in order to get the best result, we have to follow his time. 

the time is today. finnaly the question box is openned. its a surprise. tot that its not a good surprise but will still believe that He prepare the best for those love Him. 

God, give us strength and patient. give me more and more of your unconditional love. so that i can flow it out.