searching....

how do i describe it, hm.... maybe im quite loss in direction and loss the focus. in this couple of weeks i was ignored God's voice. i really do want to scream and cry out to God. im not good enough for Him to do His work. i become more egoist and self-centered. when i reflect back and God reminded me once agian about my situation, i realized that i was away from God. my pull my self away from Him. does it due to my unsatisfactorily? or is it just an excuse for me?

i believe that He know more that i do. He search my heart. He search my attitude. n He found my guilty. because im not obeying His word.

yes, it is very hard to follow His command when see it from our human perspective. but as we walk with God, He will give us the creativity and the way out so that we will still enjoy our walk with Him.

yes God i need more creativity to walk. i need more wisdom. i need your spirit to work within me. i am nothing without you. but many times i failed to please you and even i use my strength to solve the problem. i become more arrogant. which it lead me to the position where your spirit cant work within me.

God, strengthen my heart day by day. and give me courage and desire to go for the extra mile. give me your power.

Take up the cross

What does it mean by taking up the cross? Deny myself? How to do it? Why its so hard. Sometime I think its not me, why I have to do that. I cant do that. And I wont do that things. But when it comes about You, I cant reject it. I dun have any power to say I don want. I dunt have any right to say its not me and dun force me to do that.

Pride, you are there when He challenge me to follow His method not my method.

Myself, you do conscious whenever He asked to do the other way than we used to.

Self esteem, you are always alert whenever I felt I cant do that.

Tear, you always come whenever I feel powerless.

But God, You are always always there in whatever situation I face, in whatever mood I am, in anything I do, I face, I feel you always there wait for me to say I need You and I want You to help me.

i am speechless.

psalm : Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and <[WHY]> art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him [for] the help of his countenance.

Pressure

pressure? what is pressure all about? why there is a pressure?

hmm... everytime i take some responsibily as a burden, then i will feel the pressure. i will become more sensitive towards others.

so is it burden is a friend of pressure?

its time to wake up and not to think about myself. ^-^

Prayer change

thank you God. sometime i doubt whether You are really in control or not. and You are. eventough many times i failed to trust You, but You never fail to show me the true about You. in the dessert i feel empty, and i feel that whatever that i have done is over, but in dessert also You show me how to be in the oase by become an oase to others. blessed those who are bless others. hold me tight. 

i really can feel the prayer supprt from all of people surround me. thanks you guys... prayer do change.... :-)

keep believing in Him.... 

and the result is.....

this morning, God tough me that we will not adjust our time with other but people will adjust their time to us because we follow His timing. so in order to get the best result, we have to follow his time. 

the time is today. finnaly the question box is openned. its a surprise. tot that its not a good surprise but will still believe that He prepare the best for those love Him. 

God, give us strength and patient. give me more and more of your unconditional love. so that i can flow it out. 

the prayer

God, in confussed i come. with a plenty of question in my mind. what is happening? why is this thing happen? what should i do? how should i react on this? i dunno how to take responsible on the responsibility that i have been given to. one thing for sure that i want to do all this thing for You only. i might fail in many things in my life but i dun want to stop learning to follow your way. many things tried to stop me to continue to put my faith and trust in You, i might be shaken. but i will not fall because i know that You hold me in. 

God, i will still continue my trust in You because i cant put my trust to any other gods or people or anything in this world. Your unconditional love is set me free and embrace me. thanks for everything o God. i really cant stop to say thanks to You. You really deserve all my praise and thanksgiving. 

i know Your touch and the miracle is on his way. Love You :-)

He is in control

baru kemaren ngomel2... but when we surrender it to Him, He will take care all the things.. ya, today i can see how miracleously He did His way. i cant say anything beside wonderful and thank you. He is real and really can change people life and heart. its such a great2 blessing to have YOU. 

PMS

lagi moody mode on..... i feel abit sensitive this days. hm.... God, pls guide my heart......... yes U r in control. time to change my attitude and my thinking. i have to grow in this area... new target... become more mature and independent... i cant become a mummy's baby anymore... time to move on.... semangat yuli semangat... 

new guitar

finally the time is here. i bought my new guitar..... so happy... i felt in love in the first sight. hahahahha. my maestro... EC... thanks to Joseph who gave me the suggestion n guidance in chose the guitar. hahahahha. kaya apa aja nih.... but really such a blessing that i am still able to buy a guitar. 

at first, planned to buy the yamaha. but since we had our dim sum buffet at peninsula, why not just look around there. there is a yamaha G55A made in japan. wow man its really cool... but it is second hand and look quite old already. 

anyway im happy with my guitar... hope that i can take care of it... 

All in You - Hope of Bangkok Church

Verse 1:

From the past, you have come to my heart.

Shown your grace, filled me more than enough.

Like the rain, falling on my life in every part.

Verse 2:

Nowadays, You are still the same,

In your name, there is unfailing love,

Overflow from heaven above.

Pre-Chorus:

Cant stop praising you, for such a great love.

Cant stop praising you, for such a great love.

Chorus 1:

You’re the lover of my heart,

The author of my life,

The power of my soul,

Jesus You’re my all,

You never let me fall,

You hold me in your hands.

Chorus 2:

You’re the lover of my heart,

The author of my life,

The power of my soul,

Jesus You’re my king

In you I have everything,

Yes, forever everything,

All in You.

love this song.... i will rate it 10/10 hehehehhe. 

Journal

hua.... today i read my journal from the past 4 years ago. there is a journal when i turned 20 and 22. i said im getting older. so how about now??? hhuuhuuh. i will turn 24 soon. 

what have i done so far? from the past 4 years until now, i can see how God do his miracleaous way in my life. 

i feel it is very funny, when i read my journal in 2005. i know that im young in that time. but dont you realise that time turn so fast??

i tried to think back how was my life. and 1 word that i can conclude from that. amazing.. it is really amazing how He works in my life.

how amzing the love that he gave to me eventhough i was so stuburn, so rebelious. he still show his patient toward me. 

how grateful i am. really there is no other God is like u. there is in 1 journal on 31th may 2006 9:37 pm, i wrote that the world is going faster, 1 week is like a blink. 

when i read this, i agree with it. its been almost 3 years, but i never realised that its that fast. 

thanks God for the faithfullness that u have shown to me... 

be persistent

what is inside your mind actually? hmm no body knows except u and ur creator. we do have share our tot.. but it cannt really express our thinking and our feeling. 

for me, i am about to know more about myself. i explore myself through Him who who me very well. sometimes, i underestimate myself or i overconfidence about myself. i need to evaluate and know what is the purpose of my life. 

i need to slow down and know what is the perfect timing for me. for example to start a new relationship, i dun think this is the right time for me. i havent settle down my ministry, i havent done much for Him which if im attached it will make my focus shaken. 

i need to set my priority and my focus first in order for me can build a new relationship. its quite hard thou, but i have to follow what He wants for my life. and i believe it is the best. 

help me GOd to be persistent in following Ur way. and strengthen me again and again... 

bad habit

i think my bad habit come back. recently i did so many silly and stupid things. i came late this morning also. i woke up 7.30 and left house around 8. i decided to take taxi to go office since it quite late alredy. i waited for 10 mnt and there was no taxi. and suddently  i remember that i forgot to bring my office pass. so i went back home again. end up i left house by 8.30. since there is no taxi, i decided to change the plan. i took mrt. and i msg my boss said that i will be late. thx for my nice boss that i have. so i got out in mrt kembangan and took taxi from there. i got out from the taxe and i saw someone that i have seen before got out from taxi also. that is the guy who was in the same queue with me in krt kembangan. then he said to me we should share the taxi just now. heheheh. 

i thing that i just remember that i did yesterday. i put my softlens both in the same eye. end up i cant see anything. now my left eye cant see clearly. 

btw do i look like a party girl???? someone asked me this morning whether i go to any clubbing last nite. i said that i never been to any clubbing or bar in singapore before. then he quite surprise that i never been there. he said that i look like a party girl who always has party. hahahhaha. anyway i only go for 2nd round. hahhahahah. 

expect a great day for tommorow....

i did something silly today

i did something silly today. 

1. i woke up late. i woke 7.18 am. and my working hours start at 8.30 am. i need to travel for 1 hour in order for me to arrive office on time. 

2. since the MRT is so crowded, so i stood without any space around me. i was in the middle, nothing to hold on to. and as u know, MRT driver like to break suddently. end up i grabbed a guy hand stood in front of me and everyone looked at me( i dont think they looked at me, they are stared at me). and the guy dont have a courage to look at me. it so embarrasses. 

3. because im late, so i havent settle down my stuff inside my bag. because i embarrass alrd, so i prtend that im busy to settle my stuff, end up i dropped my bag and i cannot move because i need to stand still. 

4. i tried to put my shoes inside my bag but it cannot fit it. it suppose to fit in but it cant because i need to arrange all my stuff inside my bag. i keep trying and trying end end up i almost felt down. i feel like im entertained them (people in MRT). 

but anyway i thanks God that i didnt forget to bring my phone today.  ehhehhehe. 

give thanks in whatever circumstances

i feel so disappointed today. i feel so stress because i couldnt make decision. my sony ericsson cannot be charged so i went to sony ericsson  service center at wisma atria last saturday. i suppose to collect it by today after 3 pm. but when i reach there and queue for my number to be called then i spoke with the service guy. he said that my phone is spoiled by water s its counted as collusion. he gave me 2 choices which is very hard for me to choose. 

first he asked me to sign an agreement that my warranty will be cancelled and he will try to fix it but it will be 50-50 success. 

second change it to the new board which is cost me 450 sing dollar which is not recommended. 

or i take it back as before. means cant work. 

with so much pressure on it, i decided to take the challange to try the first choice. i need to take the risk. however i feel so sad. its still new i bought it last year dec. 

but i have to learn to give thanks in every situation i face. thanks God that i still able to buy phone. thanks God that i never lack of my needs. 

ngak jelas

feel being judge... anyone experience this before??? i think as a human, GOd give us a sensitivity to sense a wave of feeling. when others are angry, we can directly sense it.  i felt that somebody is trying to ignore me. i do not know whether its only my feeling or it is true. anyway, i just try to find a topic for blog... hehehehhee. jayus ngak sih??? hahhahahah